So, last night after I finished my first post, I felt this huge sense of relief and accomplishment. It was strange to me that just sharing a bit about my thoughts and feelings was so freeing. I've written in a diary off and on through out my life. I have had prayer journals too. But when I was done typing and I had said all I could say, I felt a sensation I had never felt before. It was a combination of accomplishment, freedom and fear.
Accomplishment because I was able to start and finish my goal of creating my own blog in one night. If you have children you know how hard it is to do something from beginning to end without distraction and having to start all over because you forgot what you wanted to say in the first place. Accomplishment for being able to recall why I am doing what I do now and being able to put it into words that others will be able to understand( I think they will anyway).
Freedom because I was able to express myself. I was able to say more than phrases like "Do you need to potty?" or "No, don't put that in your mouth." or "Ah, ah, ah, get down. We do not climb on the table." or "Why did I put you in time out?" It was nice to have a thought and have a place to say it. Do I think anyone will read it? Who knows, but it's out there!
Fear because, as I just said, It's out there! And someone might just read it! What will they think of me and my choices? Will I say the wrong thing and get in trouble with someone I care about? What if they think my writing stinks and is pointless? What if? What if? What if?
All of these thoughts were in my head last night. Plus, I kept getting ideas of things I could share with the world. Therefore, when the alarm went off this morning, I was exhausted and was quite grumpy. It didn't help that my husband's snoring kept me from falling to sleep. But, I knew the real reason I was so tired was my own fault. I had opened the bug jar that is my brain and released my inner firefly type thoughts. They had been in there for a long time just looking for a way out and now I had let them free. Uh ohh. Here we go!
So, I prayed:
Lord, I want to do your will in all things. Please keep me from saying things that get me in trouble. Please take this blog and make it what you want it to be. Thank you Lord, for the opportunity to share my thoughts with the world. Thank you Lord for giving me the time to focus on my thoughts today. May this blog bring people together. May it bring peace to someone who needs it. May it bring laughter to someone who needs it. May it bring reality to focus for those who are lost or feel less than who they are in YOU! And God, if there is anyway that this could lead to easing a burden for my family either emotionally, spiritually, monetarily, or physically, Lord, lead the way. I'm walking the land.
I have laid my burden down! Hopefully tonight I will be able to sleep without thoughts racing.